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Adolescence is one of the most difficult times of life for both teenagers and their parents. As teenagers go out into the world, they are confronted with mixed messages about their looks, their behavior, and their attitude. Teenagers are particularly susceptible to peer pressure, and are easily influenced by those with whom they spend the most time.

At this age, teenagers are worried about how they look, concerned about their popularity, and very focused on their own feelings and experiences. These truths, combined with still immature reasoning and judgment means that teenagers are prone to distortions in their self image and are likely to have at least somewhat unrealistic estimations of their own capacities.

As a parent, you, naturally, want to help your child with every advantage in life. Most importantly, perhaps, is that you want your child to grow up to be confident, responsible, and successful. How can you best foster self esteem in your teenager?

1) Give them clear rules to follow. All children, no matter what age, respond best to clear instruction. Your teenager may balk or fight over your rules, but this is par for the course. Clear rules communicate the value you have for your child, and when your children know they are valued, this is the first building block of self esteem.

2) Balance out criticism with appropriate acknowledgements. When your child does something well, say so. Acknowledge their skills, talents or abilities, and be sure to pay attention to the positives rather than only the negatives.

3) Let them make some of their own decisions. Teenagers learn good decision-making by actually making decisions. Allow them to make decisions with your guidance. Ask them to share their lines of thinking with you and their reasoning. Help them see where their reasoning or judgment might be better.

4) Keep in regular contact with them. Although teenagers are likely to be self-centered and self focused, be sure to talk to them anyway. Ask about their day, find out what they are feeling, and share information about your day and your feelings too. No matter how much your teenager wants to isolate or disconnect from the family, work to keep them engaged and involved.

5) Be proud of your teenager, and tell them so. When your child accomplishes a goal or is awarded an honor, take the extra step to let him or her know how proud you are. Words make a huge difference; don’t just assume that they already know.

6) Support your child during a conflict. When your child is in conflict with another, find a way to support his/her viewpoint while maintaining your personal integrity. Your child will not always be right; but he or she will not always be wrong. Being supportive of your child during conflict provides a strong foundation for meeting all kinds of challenges.

7) Examine your own self esteem and feelings of limitation. If you have struggled with your own self esteem, take care not to impose these same struggles on your child. Children are very susceptible to absorbing their parent’s opinions and belief systems, so take care not to impose your own negative beliefs on your child.

Be consistent. If you want to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child (and you probably do), be consistent with your rules and your approach. It doesn’t matter so much what the rules are. It matters more that the rules are always the rules. Don’t criticize your child for something one day and praise him for it the next. Children don’t gain self esteem in the face of constant change.

9) Remind your child of your support. It’s like the old saying, “give them roots to ground them, but wings to fly”. Let them know you are there to help them whenever they need it. Again, this feeling of support and constancy will help them become more confident in the world.

10) Finally, celebrate their uniqueness. Every parent has cherished dreams and goals for their child. This doesn’t mean that the child will want those same dreams and goals for him or herself. When there is a gap between desires and reality, you, as a parent, must bridge that space by letting go of what you desired and truly, deeply loving who your child is.

These tools will help you build your child’s self esteem. With high self esteem, your child will move through the world more confidently, be more willing to take necessary risks, and will be more successful. And what parent wouldn’t want that?

View child care advice

If you haven’t been tracking “Supernanny” or “Nanny 911″ - the latest self-help shows in child rearing - then you are definitely missing great parenting tips and techniques from the broadcasting networks.

These superwomen of the 21st Century are providing parents with proven old time child rearing techniques - without the use of heavy handed punishment. The strategy consists of setting and enforcing clear boundaries for the children, along with an appropriate system of rewards and punishment. The nannies have a firm, yet loving nature which seems to work wonders on the children.

While nannies or nannys are proving to be a big hit in resolving reality TV family disputes, you may be tempted to think that hiring a nanny will dissolve all family issues…

Think again!

Selecting a nanny has its own set of difficulties that confront you - and you will need to resolve these issues if you are planning to employ a nanny.

Here are three items to assist you once you have selected a nanny.

LET HER SETTLE IN

Let’s assume that you’ve successfully found a compatible nanny. Congratulations! Things are about to change.

In most cases you’ve set yourself up for a 12 month commitment based on screened research from the employment agency, a phone interview and meeting in-person for the first time.

The day arrives and you escort your newest “member of the family” up to where she will stay for your time together. Both the host and the nanny can be slightly nervous during these first time meetings, but there is no need to be shy.

The first thing your nanny is likely to do is to check out her new “family”. Is she seriously going to spend the next 12 months with you? You are just as foreign to her, as she is to you!

Your nanny may consider this to be one ambition that she has hoped to fulfill. As a host, you may be feeling that this is a long awaited relief from the tortuous responsibility of raising kids.

After the initial introductions she will look around the room and take a deep breath. Is the room to small? Will she get her own privacy? Is the paint falling off? Does the roof leak? Has she got her own mirror?

As a provider of accommodation, you will need to ensure that her room is of a high standard. It doesn’t have to be a 5 star hotel, but it does need to be a private space where she can get some time out.

Ensure that you provide clean linen, blankets and pillows. This will give her the message: “You are welcome here.”

Gradually - perhaps with a glint of excitement - she will unpack her bags and start to settle in.

CLEARLY DEFINE HERE ROLES OF RESPONSIBILITY

You will need to establish a clear line of responsibility with your nanny to distinguish between what is her “job” compared to her private life.

If the distinction is not made early-on then she may become confused about the limitations and expectations of her role. Instead of “Nanny 911″ you may end up calling “Family Counseling 911″ instead!

Consider the following questions as guidelines:

- Is she allowed to take one day off per week from her normal duties?

- How is she to be paid, and how often?

- Is her main area of responsibility towards the children or towards running the house?

- Does she have any initial concerns?

GET TIME AWAY AS A FAMILY

Let’s assume that your nanny settles in and is having a great time. She performs well and handles the children like a dream. (Super Nanny eat your heart out!)

She may be from another culture and so she is absorbing everything she can about your way of life. You find yourself caught up talking with her about everything and “life is rosy”.

Now that you have got your household back in good working order again, with the help of your nanny, it’s time to make the break. Go on a holiday. Spend some time by yourselves.

Leave the nanny at home.

You need to take a break from “the nanny” and get away on your own - and take your children! Go camping or find a hotel. Try to leave the house for at least three days…

Make sure you pack plenty of children friendly activities so that you can spend quality time with your children. After all, they might just be missing their mom or dad a little more since the nanny first came along.

While you are away you do not need to even mention the nanny. I’m sure she won’t be thinking about you!

If you are careful in the way you set up your living and working relationship with your nanny, you will find that both of you will benefit greatly from the experience.

TV, Video Games, and Your Kids by Mark Brandenburg MA,, CPCC

There’s been a great debate in our country for thelast number of years
concerning violent TV andvideo games.

There are thousands of studies indicating thatthere’s a link between
violent video images andincreased aggressiveness and violence in children.

There are also studies that say there’s littlerelationship between the
two, and that there mayeven be some visual/spatial benefits that kidsreceive
from video games.

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics,the average child in
this country will see 200,000acts of violence by the time they’re eighteen.

Common sense tells me this is probably notbenefiting them.

But the truth is that it’s difficult to prove theexact impact that these
images have on kids.

For parents, this may be the wrong question to beasking. Perhaps there
are other issues here thatwould be useful to consider.

As a coach who works with parents, I see thefrequent power struggles
that come up around videogames and TV watching. When I see young kids infront
of a screen, I wonder about all of the otherthings those kids might be doing.

But it’s extremely difficult to be a parentwithout the “electric babysitter”
these days,especially considering how busy parents are today.There is also
the added complication of otherparents who allow greater access to video
gamesand TV to their kids.

So what do you do about this issue?

How about using your gut instinct and taking afirm stand?

A while back my wife and I decided that when ourkids were young we’d
like them to spend the largemajority of their time interacting with otherhuman
beings, not screens. We also realized thatat some point in the future this
may change. Butbecause of this decision, we’re sometimes lookedat as peculiar
by people we know.

And while it does cause some hardship, we haven’tregretted it for a
moment.

It simply seemed like the right thing to do.

I would challenge all parents to look at this issueand to make a decision
about what kind of familyculture you want. And don’t base it on what theJones’
are doing across the street or what popularculture tells you to do.

Make your decision, set your limits, and do yourkids an enormous service
by standing by yourlimits, no matter what. Firmly and respectfullystate
that, “this is what we do in our house” andthen stand by it.

I don’t know if video games and violent TV makekids more violent. And
I don’t think TV or videogames are inherently evil.

I just want the best for my kids, because they’llonly be kids once in
their life.

About the Author

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of 25 Secrets of Emotionally
Intelligent Fathers (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets.
For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly

newsletter, Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com

Nanny caution

What types of things should you look out for when you are about to accept any nanny jobs?

Well one important thing that I always look at is the contract in detail. Why? If you are knew to nanning then you could be in for a rude awaking because most contracts do not fully benefit the nanny. Most contracts try to sweeze in extra work and not detailed work descriptions living it very open to what your real duties and work responsibility is.

I was hit once with a contract that said well this is just here in case. From what I was told previously it seemed like this particular situation rarely happened if ever and what do you know. It happened more frequently than I anticipated so I worked more and got paid less. Avoid all contracts that don’t say in detailed what work is considered extra. You should ask for extra money for work during overnight periods. Each hour should result in overtime salary which in most cases is higher than your normal salary.

Next, I see what type of children I will be taking care of and full attention to the relationship with their parents. If the children seem like they have no hope and you know your capacity with children don’t accept it. Or you will be left with a very stressful job. I do think all children are innocent and just need to be loved but if they have been bad situations earlier it may not be any hope at all.

These are all of my cautions for now. I will update this page soon.

Do you have any questions?

Ask me anything and I will answer as fast as I can Click here to ask

Nanny Education

A degree is great for some jobs, but for a nanny, I think experience coupled with some classes is ideal. For raising kids there is nothing like some hands-on experience, but I think the training part is very important. Everyone looking for a nanny position should at least take the time to get CPR certified. Doing some sort of enrichment activity (taking classes, reading child development books or magazines, browsing websites for learning activities, etc) shows that not only do you care about children, but that you are interested in being the best you can be.

I actually earned my BA as a Child Life Specialist. However, I have worked as a preschool teacher as my first job. I believe that experience is VERY important and that I wouldn’t be worth my wage without it. However, I also have to give TONS of credit to my educational background. It’s an extra bonus.

Having a degree proves to many employers that you have taken your love of children very seriously. It shows that you have put extra time and effort into learning about child developmental theories, etc.